A Rather Odd Meeting
by ArtjuiceRP
Summary: Voldemort has just risen again and the Order of Phoenix have very important things to do. So why are they sitting in the kitchen of 12 Grimmauld Place watching A Very Potter Musical? Harry, Ron, Hermione and the Order of the Phoenix watch AVPM
1. Prologue

**Hello! It's been a while. Maybe you've noticed this is not a DAROOTP update. At the moment, my inspiration for that is gone. I do hope it will one day return. However, I've always considered writing something like this and I finally decided 'Well, why not?'**

**I do want to tell you before I start that this may not be continued. I have almost finished the next chapter, but there is a chance that this is just another attempt to put off revision.**

**Any way, that's enough rambling.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters. They belong to JK Rowling. Although there is none of AVPM in this chapter, I don't own that either. That is a parody musical produced by Starkid, which, sadly, I have nothing to do with.**

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Harry grimaced as he stared down the rickety staircase, his eyes fixed on the closed door into the kitchen of Grimmauld place. He couldn't hear anything that was going on. He wished he didn't know that the meeting was even taking place, but Snape had swooped past as George was pretending to clean, and after that everyone knew the Order was meeting.

Ron was standing next to him, his job of polishing the banisters abandoned. Hermione was nearby, just as interested in the meeting as her two best friends, but still dusting the painting frames.

"They're all in there." Ron said, glancing over at Harry. "Think it's important? Maybe they're just holding an intervention for Snape and his fear of conditioner."

"Yes, Ron, that's exactly why Dumbledore called the entire Order here." Hermione said, rolling her eyes and then sneezing slightly. Ron sighed slightly, missing Hermione's grin. "Besides, when they do get around to holding that intervention, I doubt Sirius will be invited."

Both the boys snorted. Harry's eyes widened when he saw the kitchen door start to open. He nudged Ron, who quickly returned to his chores. Harry, who was supposed to be getting rid of the spiders in the dining room, panicked slightly. He wasn't going to reach that room before the door was fully open.

"Pretend to be asleep!" Ron whispered to him, and Harry considered it for a second. Before he could fully commit to a plan, however, Mrs Weasley appeared from behind the door. She did look slightly disapproving, but it appeared she was preoccupied with something else, for all she said was "Ron, dear, could you please fetch Ginny, Fred and George?"

Ron frowned slightly. "Why?" As far as he was aware, they weren't doing anything other than the chores they were meant to be doing.

Molly Weasley ran her hand across her face, clearly tired, before explaining. "The five of you are needed in the kitchen."

Ron shared an incredulous glance with Harry and Hermione but headed up the stairs to get his siblings. Harry, however, was already heading into the kitchen. Yes, it was strange to be invited in, but he wasn't going to question it.

The entire Order seemed to be discussing something. Only Dumbledore sat in silence, his long hands resting over an open box. Sirius, Remus and Tonks were animated, gesturing towards the mysterious parcel. From what Harry could hear, Mad-Eye Moody didn't trust something, and was explaining this distrust to a calm-looking Kingsley Shacklebolt and an amused Hestia Jones. Arthur Weasley was attempting to explain some muggle contraption to his son, Bill, and a very interested Dedalus Diggle. Finally, Professor McGonagall and Snape seemed to disagreeing on something. All in all, it seemed to Harry to be more like a friendly gathering than a super secret meeting of the Order of the Phoenix.

"Er, what's going on?" Harry asked, standing near the open doorway, Hermione hovering just behind him. "Has Voldemort done something?"

This question seemed to get some attention. Lupin shook his head, gesturing for Harry and Hermione to move further into the room. "Nothing like that, Harry." Lupin explained, ignoring Harry's irritated sigh. "Dumbledore has received something that he thought might interest you."

Harry looked questioningly at Dumbledore, but Dumbledore's stare remained fixed on his hands. Harry frowned at his Headmaster, angry at his refusal to look him in the eye. "We'll, if its not got anything to do with Voldemort, I don't really care!"

"Harry!" muttered Hermione, eyes wide at Harry's outburst and how the room had fallen silent.

Harry looked slightly apologetic, but didn't say anything else. At least Sirius seemed to understand how he was feeling.

"This package came with a letter," Sirius said, deciding to continue the explanation before Harry got even more frustrated. "All it said was that it contained some valuable information about both the past and the future, but was mainly to help you and the rest of the Order relax."

Harry raised an eyebrow. Since Voldemort had risen again, relaxation seemed unattainable and he doubted that anything in this package would change that. However, if the package really was useful, he was thankful that the Order had decided to follow the letter and allow him to hear it too.

"And you needed a meeting first to decide if it was okay to let me actually find out about this? How many of you thought that I never needed to know?"

Hermione looked embarrassed, knowing Harry's temper wasn't helped by the lack of responses from the Order members. She exhaled with relief when the younger Weasleys burst loudly into the room, almost obliterating the tension filling the room. Ron immediately came to her side, the others looking excited to be invited.

"What's this all about then?" Ron muttered in her ear, looking between Harry and Dumbledore. "Nothing bad?"

"The Order's got some information that they're actually willing to share." She replied, a small smile gracing her lips. "Apparently, it may actually help us relax."

"Unlikely!" snorted Ron. It appeared Harry overheard, as he chuckled slightly.

Taking advantage of both the silence and the diffused tension, Dumbledore lifted a small screen out of the box. The sight of it almost made Arthur Weasley burst out into excited mumbling, but a look from Dumbledore made him remain silent. Another letter lay underneath and Dumbledore scanned it quickly.

"All the letter says is that most of what we're about to see shouldn't be taken too seriously, but it is all derived from truth." He explained.

"About to see?" repeated Lupin, not entirely sure what the screen was for or what the letter was even referring to.

"This screen will show us a series of musicals, based on Harry Potter's seven years at Hogwarts. Events may not occur in the actual order they happened, but most things did happen. However, the musicals are a parody, so don't take too much of it seriously. Learn from the basic plot, but enjoy the rest." Dumbledore continued, finishing just as the room burst back into conversation.

Harry, Hermione and Ron just seemed amazed. Others seemed unsure - a parody musical about Harry? Severus Snape, however, looked furious. A parody musical couldn't be much help and he hated musicals.

"I am not going to waste my time watching a musical about Potter." He drawled, getting to his feet. "If everyone else would prefer to stay, that's their decision."

"Severus." Dumbledore said quietly, catching his eye. After a moment, Snape grimaced but returned to his seat. Without allowing everyone to calm down, Dumbledore enlarged the screen and levitated it so everyone had a good view. When the screen stirred to life, everyone fell silent once more, their gazes drawn to the screen.

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**Thanks for reading. I hope you all enjoyed it!**

**-ArtjuiceRP**


	2. Act 1, Scene 1

**So here's the next chapter. I don't know when the next one will be up, as I'm going to try and focus on my revision. I hope you enjoy this, though.**

**I'd like to thank FanFictionParty and dumbledore-plays-the-piano for reviewing, as well as everyone else who favourited and followed this story.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters. Thet belong to JK Rowling. The words in bold are from A Very Potter Musical, a production by Starkid, and the words in italics are stage directions and descriptions.**

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**Act 1, Scene 1**

In large letters, the screen displayed the words 'A Very Potter Musical'. Snape scoffed, but Harry just looked embarrassed. Ron and Hermione were both intrigued while Fred and George just seemed to be laughing at the title. Sirius and Remus were grinning at Harry. They weren't exactly sure what a parody musical of Harry's life would even contain - his life wasn't exactly full of light-hearted moments.

_Once the title had faded, the screen showed an almost empty stage. Only one person was on it, sitting on a trunk. He had messy dark curls, was wearing round glasses and a red and gold trimmed jumper. To top it off, a lightning scar seemed to have been drawn onto his forehead. As the backing track played, he swept his hair back from his face and then folded his arms, glancing around._

"I'm guessing that's me." Harry muttered drily.

"Well, he definitely has the all-important lightening scar." Fred pointed out with a chuckle.

At the interruptions, Snape grimaced. He doubted that anyone would be able to stop interruptions, but he wished that everyone would just stay silent. He wanted this over as quickly as possible.

_Without moving from the upturned trunk, Harry began to sing._

**HARRY: UNDERNEATH THESE STAIRS  
I HEAR THE SNEERS AND FEEL THE GLARES  
OF MY COUSIN, MY UNCLE AND MY AUNT.**

Harry just seemed astonished at the fact he was singing. Hermione was watching avidly, Ron seemed more amused by Harry's face.

"Remember, mate, it's a musical." Ron pointed out, laughing. Harry rolled his eyes.

Others, however, were more interested in the lyrics. Both Molly and Sirius were giving Harry searching looks.

"And, why, Harry, would you be under some stairs?" Molly questioned, her voice raised so no one else could interrupt. Even Snape seemed interested in Harry's answer.

Harry glanced awkwardly around. Now Molly had spoken, even those who hadn't paid too much attention to the lyrics were looking curious. His years in the cupboard were something he tried to put behind him since his discovery that he was a wizard and he really wasn't keen on having the entire Order digging through his not-so-pleasant past. If this was supposed to be relaxing, the person who had sent these things was clearly not used to the feelings one gets when asked personal questions.

"Who knows?" He responded hesitantly, the answer not satisfying anyone. At Sirius' doubting look, Harry bit his lip. "I used to hide in the cupboard sometimes when the Dursleys were being particularly unbearable."

Not exactly the whole truth, but it seemed to be enough. Molly, at least, seemed satisfied, even if she wasn't happy about the answer. Professor McGonagall looked irritated, but she had never liked the Dursleys. Sirius and Remus exchanged sad looks. Remus' lycanthropy had prevented him from looking after Harry, and Sirius had always blamed both himself and, of course, Peter Pettigrew for Harry's unhappy upbringing.

**CAN'T BELIEVE HOW CRUEL THEY ARE  
AND IT STINGS MY LIGHTNING SCAR  
TO KNOW THEY'LL NEVER EVER GIVE ME WHAT I WANT**

'Well, you can't always get what you want, Potter." drawled Snape, ignoring Harry and Sirius' looks of hatred. "No matter how famous you are."

It was useless to protest, so Harry and Remus both shot Sirius a look. Harry was used to Snapes comments and Lupin thought that if they were going to be spending hours together, there was no point starting the arguments only seconds into the musical.

**I KNOW I DON'T DESERVE THESE  
STUPID RULES MADE BY THE DURSLEYS  
HERE ON PRIVET DRIVE  
I CAN'T TAKE ALL OF THESE MUGGLES  
BUT DESPITE ALL OF MY STRUGGLES...  
I'M STILL ALIVE**

"Proud of that, are you?" asked George, laughing at the grin in Screen-Harry's face as he sung the last line too. "Do you want us to celebrate?"

"Given what Harry's been through, it's quite an achievement." Ginny snapped at her brother. "If you go through similar things, maybe we'll let you have a party!"

George shot Harry an apologetic look and Harry shrugged, not really bothered by George's comment. "It's fine. Really. Most of it was luck."

Most of the order shot him disbelieving looks. Although many thought that writing off what he'd done as luck was slightly understating things, Snape just couldn't believe the faux-modesty.

"From what I've heard, it's not exactly luck." Moony grunted. "More like -"

"- CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" Tonks interrupted with a wry grin.

**I'M SICK OF SUMMER AND THIS WAITING AROUND  
MAN, IT'S SEPTEMBER AND I'M SKIPPING THIS TOWN  
HEY IT'S NO MYSTERY,  
THERE'S NOTHING HERE FOR ME NOW**

_Harry stood up, a wide grin across his face._

**I GOTTA GET BACK TO HOGWARTS**

At this, the Weasley twins cheered. However, no one smiled like Harry. Whenever Harry wasn't at his school, he was just waiting for the day he could go back. Hogwarts was where he felt at home. Privet Drive was a place he stayed at, but was never truly welcome. The Burrow was great, but it wasn't his home. With such a large family, the entire Burrow was full of objects that made it the Weasley Family Home, and despite how much he loved the place, he wasn't part of the family. And finally, even surrounded by all the people he loved, the dust and the dark objects stopped Grimmauld place being even remotely like a home.

Sirius, too, understood. Hogwarts had been his sanctuary from all the Slytherin nonsense preached by his family. Now, though, he had no place he called home and he knew if given the opportunity, he would go straight back to his old school.

**I GOTTA GET BACK TO SCHOOL  
I GOTTA GET MYSELF TO HOGWARTS  
WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS I'M COOL**

_Harry adjusted his glasses and his tie with a grin._

Snape was unable to suppress his scoff, but was taken aback when Harry also scoffed.

"Cool?" He repeated with a laugh. "I was only cool for the beginning of first year."

Hermione nodded in agreement. "You never really bounced back after we lost those points, did you?"

"I didn't really have a chance, did I?" Harry pointed out, missing Professor McGonagalls slightly remorseful look.

"You went from Boy-Who-Lived, to Quidditch Champion, to the guy who lost us all those points." Fred listed, not explaining further despite the curious from everyone who hadn't been present.

"And don't forget Heir of Slytherin and Triwizard Champion." Ron finished. "In third year, you weren't that uncool. If anyone was uncool then, it was Sirius."

Sirius grimaced at the remainder, not that has fugitive status was something he forgot. He just preferred not to dwell on it.

**BACK TO WITCHES AND WIZARDS  
AND MAGICAL BEASTS,  
TO GOBLINS AND GHOSTS  
AND TO MAGICAL FEASTS**

"I've never seen Goblins at Hogwarts." Bill pointed out. "And if anyone here knows Goblins, it's me."

"There are more than enough magical creatures there though." Remus pointed out, gesturing to himself.

"We'll, at least we got rid of one." Snape muttered, giving Lupin a hateful look.

"Remus is not a magical creature!" Tonks said quickly, the many nods around her showing Snape just how many people agreed.

"Exactly!" Sirius added to emphasise Tonks' point. "All Remus has is a furry little problem."

**IT'S ALL THAT I LOVE AND IT'S ALL THAT I NEED  
AT HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS!  
I THINK I'M GOING BACK!**

_Harry turned to adjust the suitcase before sitting back down._

**I'LL SEE MY FRIENDS, GONNA LAUGH TIL WE CRY  
TAKE MY FIREBOLT, GONNA TAKE TO THE SKY  
NO WAY THIS YEAR ANYONE'S GONNA DIE!**

"People do not die at Hogwarts every year!" Molly insisted, frowning when she saw the looks exchanged by the Hogwarts students. Eyes widening, she turned pleading looks towards the Professors.

"Quirinus did die at the end of Harry's first year." Dumbledore told her gently. "But besides him and Cedric," Dumbledore stayed silent for a moment, in remembrance. "Besides them, there have been no deaths."

"Still two more deaths than I would have liked." Molly grumbled.

"Are we just discounting the Basilisk and all of Hagrid's poor flobberworms?" Asked Ron, sniffing dramatically in an attempt to brighten up the room. Hermione elbowed him, not sure whether he really should be joking, but unable to hide a small smile.

"As long as its not implying more people die." Harry muttered. Seeing as the musical was based on his entire time at Hogwarts, there was always the chance that they were indeed implying such a thing, and with the return of Voldemort, it wouldn't be surprising.

**AND IT'S GONNA BE TOTALLY AWESOME  
I'LL CAST SOME SPELLS WITH A FLICK OF MY WAND,  
DEFEAT THE DARK ARTS, YEAH BRING IT ON!  
AND DO IT ALL WITH MY BEST FRIEND RON  
CAUSE TOGETHER WE'RE TOTALLY AWESOME**

_At the word Ron, a door at the back of the stage opens. Through the door steps a tall man with red hair and a blue headband. His shirt is untucked and he too is wearing a Gryffindor jumper. As he starts to sing, he closes the door._

**RON: AND IT'S GONNA BE TOTALLY AWESOME!  
Did somebody say Ron Weasley? Whoo!**

"That's me!" Ron exclaimed, looking horrified. "What's with the headband?"

"I don't think he's that bad." Hermione muttered. "I mean, yes, I don't understand why he's wearing that headband, but otherwise... He's tall, has red hair - admittedly, it's a wig, but it's not too bright red. No freckles though."

_Ron strides over to Harry._

**HARRY: What's up, buddy?**

_Ron and Harry hug, patting each other on the back._

**RON: Hey! Sorry it took me so long to get here, I had to get some floo powder. But we gotta get going, come on, get your trunk.**

"Great." Sighed Harry. "Floo Powder. My favourite form of travel."

_Harry picks up his suitcase and turns back to face Ron._

**HARRY: Where are we going?**

**RON: To Diagon Alley of course!**

**HARRY: Cool!**

**RON: Come on!**

_Both head towards the back of the stage. The lights flash red, blue and green as the two speak, running forward and waving their hands around._

**TOGETHER: Floo powder power, floo powder power, floo powder power!**

The younger people in the room burst out laughing, everyone other than Snape unable to repress their smiles.

"If flooing was like that, maybe it would be my favourite." Harry said through his laughter. "That looks like fun!"

"No chance of accidentally inhaling half a fireplace either." Ron pointed out, grinning. "Or ending up in the wrong place. I mean, in this, you don't even have to state your destination."

**RON: IT'S BEEN SO LONG, BUT WE'RE GOING BACK  
DON'T GO FOR WORK, DON'T GO THERE FOR CLASS**

Ron avoided looking at at his parents or the professors. Unfortunately, he managed to catch Hermione's eye. She was giving him a slightly disapproving look, but she seemed okay with it.

"It's a parody musical." She stated, repeating what he said earlier. "I know you actually do work. I check it over enough to know that! However, I wouldn't put it past you to say something like that."

**HARRY: AS LONG AS WE'RE TOGETHER-**

**RON: GONNA KICK SOME ASS**

**TOGETHER: AND IT'S GONNA BE TOTALLY AWESOME!**

_At the phrase 'Totally Awesome', Harry grinned and Ron made a funny hand gesture._

"Totally awesome?" repeated Tonks, looking bemused. "That's not exactly a common phrase."

"It seems like it will be." Remus pointed out with a grin.

"I'm just saying its not something you hear wizards saying." She replied quickly, grinning at the werewolf. "Must be a muggle phrase."

"Or an American one." Kingsley interjected. "I know plenty of muggles and I've never heard that before."

"That's not going to last." Sighed McGonagall, spotting that the Weasley twins were whispering to each other. "I believe that soon we'll be hearing those two words from every student at Hogwarts."

**THIS YEAR WE'LL TAKE EVERYBODY BY STORM  
STAY UP ALL NIGHT, SNEAK OUT OF OUR DORMS**

"Now that's more like it." Sirius grinned, leaning to pat Harry on the shoulder. "With a cloak like yours, what else would you do?"

_A girl with large bushy hair, wearing a Gryffindor sweater vest and a knee length skirt, appears between Ron and Harry, who both turn to look at her._

**HERMIONE: BUT LET'S NOT FORGET THAT WE NEED  
TO PERFORM WELL IN CLASS  
IF WE WANT TO PASS OUR OWLS!**

"And the trio is complete." Ginny said, glancing at the three of them. She had no really close friends after her fiasco of a first year, and she had always been slightly jealous of Ron's tight knit grip.

Hermione was not amused. "Is my hair really that bad?" She asked, patting it self-consciously.

"Of course not." Ron replied quickly, turning to Harry for back up.

Harry, who had always considered Hermione's hair to be rather bush-like in appearance, was trying to figure his course of action. Lie, or remain silent? Unfortunately, the fact he didn't immediately agree with Ron seemed to make his thoughts clear enough.

Hermione wasn't too pleased by his response, but she couldn't blame him. Hair styling had never been too high on her list of priorities. Brushing it just made it frizzier, and letting it do what it wanted saved her a lot of time.

_Both Harry and Ron roll their eyes and then all three stumble as the floo trip ends and they arrive in Diagon Alley. Ron steps away from Hermione, looking slightly annoyed. Other characters stream in from behind them and begin to walk and dance around._

**RON: God, Hermione, why do you have to be such a buzzkill?**

**HERMIONE: Because, guys, schools not all about having fun! We need to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards!**

**I MAY BE FRUMPY, BUT I'M SUPER SMART  
CHECK OUT MY GRADES, THEY'RE A'S FOR A START**

"What?" Fred said loudly, making many people turn to look at him. He smiled sheepishly. "I'm just thinking that our Hermione normally receives grades slightly higher than 'Acceptable'"

"And she's not frumpy." Ron finished, receiving quite a few smiles from the females in the room.

Before Hermione could explain, Arthur Weasley spoke up. "Actually, Fred, muggles grade things differently. The grades go A, B, C, D, E and finally F, but I'm not too sure what the letters stand for, other than F. I'm pretty certain that stands for 'Fail'."

"Which would make sense after that floo powder bit." Kingsley pointed out. "I highly doubt this musical is performed by wizards. Unfortunately, that just opens up more questions. How do these muggles even know about Harry's life.

**WHAT I LACK IN LOOKS, WELL I MAKE UP WITH HEART  
AND WELL GUYS, THAT IS TOTALLY AWESOME!**

_Harry and Ron sigh and walk to the other side of the stage, leaving Hermione alone._

**THIS YEAR I PLAN TO STUDY A LOT**

**RON: THAT WOULD BE COOL IF YOU WERE ACTUALLY HOT!**

"Ronald!" His mother yelped. "Never say something like that! How do you think that would make someone feel?"

Hermione's eyes widened slightly, glancing quickly at Ron. He looked horrified - partly because he couldn't believe he had said that about Hermione, even in a parody musical, but also because he could see himself saying that about some other girl. Not that he would mean it, but he did know that sometimes he would say insensitive things without really thinking them through.

**HARRY: HEY RON, COME ON, WE'RE THE ONLY FRIENDS THAT SHE'S GOT!**

**RON: AND THAT'S COOL**

**HERMIONE: AND THAT'S TOTALLY AWESOME!**

**ALL THREE: YEAH IT'S SO COOL AND IT'S TOTALLY AWESOME!**

_All three meet in the centre of the stage, ignoring all the others dancing behind them._

**WE'RE SICK OF SUMMER AND THIS WAITING AROUND  
IT'S LIKE WE'RE SITTING IN THE LOST AND FOUND  
DON'T TAKE NO SORCERY, FOR ANYONE TO SEE HOW!**

_They head to the left and then put their arms around each other, Harry in the middle._

**WE GOTTA GET BACK TO HOGWARTS  
WE GOTTA GET BACK TO SCHOOL!  
WE GOTTA GET BACK TO HOGWARTS  
WHERE EVERYTHING IS MAGI-COOL!**

"And I thought it couldn't get any worse." Snape sneered. "But then it had to prove me wrong with it's terrible rhyme scheme."

"Well, I thought the rhyme scheme was very... Magi-cool." Fred replied with a snigger. "Don't you agree, George?"

Before George could do anything, Snape glared at both of them. "Don't forget that I am still your professor. Being invited to one Order meeting does not mean you can talk to me as though I am not."

**BACK TO WITCHES AND WIZARDS  
AND MAGICAL BEASTS,  
TO GOBLINS AND GHOSTS  
AND TO MAGICAL FEASTS.  
IT'S ALL THAT I LOVE AND IT'S ALL THAT I NEED  
AT HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS!**

**I THINK WE'RE GOING BACK!**

There was a pause, the screen seeming as if it was loading something. Taking advantage of the break, Hestia spoke up.

"I'm not sure I can see any valuable information so far, Dumbledore." She pointed out and a few others nodded in agreement.

"It's not been long," Dumbledore said serenely. "But I hope that you are enjoying it."

"I like it." George announced. "It's nice to see someone portraying Harry as... Not a liar."

Harry grimaced. The Daily Prophet's constant ribbing was just one things on a long list that explained why he was not in high spirits. However, even he would admit that this musical had potential. They may have been slightly mean to Hermione and revealed his cupboard, but the songs were catchy.

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**Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it!**

**-ArtjuiceRP**


	3. Act 1, Scene 2

**So, I'm pretty terrible at updating, and unfortunately, I don't know when I'll be updating next. Still, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'd like to thank Abbl2, Winged-panther1, Xx-Yaoi-Ninja-xX, The Author in the TARDIS, dumbledore-plays-the-piano, ChrysosArgentum, Locked Secret Keeper and FanFictionParty as well as everyone who added it to Favourites and/or Story Alerts.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters. They belong to JK Rowling. The words in bold are from A Very Potter Musical, a production by Starkid, and the words in italics are stage directions and descriptions.**

* * *

**Act 1, Scene 2**

Before anyone could say anything else, the screen burst back into life, catching the Orders attention.

_A girl runs in from the left. She has long, bright red hair and is holding a wand in her left hand._

**GINNY: Ron! You're supposed to take me to Madam Malkin's with you and use those sickles Mom gave you for my robe fitting!**

There was silence for a few seconds as a few members of the Order glanced between Ginny and the girl on the screen. With hair that red, there was no doubt who the character was supposed to be.

"That's me!" Ginny protested, getting over the shock and pointing at the screen. "My hair isn't that red and I don't whine like that! Or own yellow shoes!"

"There's nothing wrong with yellow shoes." Tonks pointed out, ignoring the sudden snickers of Fred and George.

"And you do whine sometimes." Ron pointed out, faltering at the furious look Ginny shot him. "Just saying."

_Ron shrugs and turns to Harry, Harry then points at Ginny._

**HARRY: Who's this?**

**RON: This is stupid little dumb sister Ginny, she's a freshman. Ginny, this is Harry. Harry Potter. This is Harry Potter.**

"Stupid little dumb sister?" repeated Ginny. Since the screen had loaded, she hadn't been happy. "Thanks."

"Why don't I know Ginny?" Harry asked, wondering for the first time just how old he was supposed to be in this musical.

"Well, you didn't know her before you went to Hogwarts." Hermione reasoned. "And seeing as in this, she's just a freshman, it would make sense that you hadn't met her yet."

"What do you mean, freshman?" Arthur said, frowning in confusion. "That term doesn't make any sense."

Hermione smiled at Mr Weasley, having expected the question. "It just means that she's in her first year. The terms only really used in America though."

"So does that make you twelve years old in this?" asked Sirius, looking doubtfully at the screen. Those actors were definitely not twelve years old.

"I doubt it…" Hermione murmured, trying to figure out what could be going on. "I mean, freshmen in American High Schools are around fourteen, but even that seems a bit too young for those actors to be playing."

"Slightly more reasonable though." Remus said, his eyebrows furrowed slightly.

_Harry and Ginny shake hands._

**GINNY: You're Harry Potter! You're the Boy Who Lived!**

**HARRY: Yeah. And you're Ginny.**

**GINNY: It's Ginevra.**

**HARRY: Cool. Ginny's fine.**

"Ginevra?" Tonks asked. She had never heard that name before – and she could sympathise, what with a name like Nymphadora. "Is that your full name?"

"Ginevra Molly Weasley." Molly answered, smiling when she caught sight of her daughter rolling her eyes.

"But please don't call me that!" Ginny protested, and Tonks giggled slightly.

"What's wrong with that name?" Molly replied, frowning at her daughter.

"Nothing." Ginny answered after a moment's hesitation. "But it's not exactly like you use it either! Ginny is just the name I prefer to go by."

**RON: Stupid sister!**

_Ron claps above Ginny's head and she crouches down, hands over her ears._

**GINNY: Aah!**

"But I didn't even hit her!" Ron said loudly, hoping to pre-empt the scolding from his mother. "That doesn't even make sense."

At Ron's protest, Harry, Hermione, Ginny and Weasley twins sniggered slightly. Arthur sighed, grinning at his son. "Don't worry, son, we're not going to tell you off for something your musical alter-ego did."

At this, Dumbledore nodded, catching Snape's eye. "I think that's a good rule to follow."

**RON: Don't crowd the famous friend.**

**HERMIONE: Do you guys hear music or something?**

**HARRY: Music? What are you talking about?**

**RON: Yeah, someone's coming.**

**HARRY: Someone's coming.**

_Once again from the left, three more girls enter. _

"And who are these people?" Hestia asked, looking at the students to see if any of them were able to identify the girls.

"No idea." Fred said, after a couple of minutes contemplation. "They don't really look like anyone who actually goes to Hogwarts."

"Maybe the girl at the front is Cho Chang." Harry pointed out quietly. He didn't really want to alert the whole Order to his crush, but he knew Ron and Hermione were aware of it. After all, they had had to deal with his disappointment after asking her to the Yule Ball.

"Who's Cho Chang?" Sirius asked, noticing the slight redness in Harry's cheeks.

"She's just a girl in Ravenclaw." Ron answered, deciding that Harry really didn't need to be embarrassed. Not with Snape there. "Plays Quidditch."

**ALL THREE: CHO CHANG, DOMO ARIGATO!**

**GUNG HEY, FAT, CHOY CHANG**

**HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

**CHO CHANG!**

**GINNY: Whoa! Who's that?**

**RON: That's Cho Chang. That's the girl Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year.**

"So not just a girl then?" Sirius crowed, beaming at his god son. "And you've liked her since your first year?"

"I haven't!" Harry protested, realising that denying his actual crush was probably not the best plan. "Not for that long."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. A few people seemed quite interested in finding out more. Tonks, it seemed, was quite eager to hear some teenage gossip, seeing as she was leaning forward towards Harry. Molly Weasley was smiling. She clearly thought that Harry was utterly adorable.

However, others looked irritated. They did not want to watch a musical about Harry Potter's love life, and they definitely didn't want to hear Harry go on about it. Ginny was quite pale, Moody looked very bored and Snape's lip was curling.

"Now before we get into the excitement that is Potter's love life, let's just remember that not everyone here is interested in hearing the intimate details." Snape drawled, enjoying how Harry got more and more embarrassed as he drew out the sentence. "Perhaps Potter can discuss it with you all another time."

Sirius turned angrily to Snape, annoyed at the interruption when he was suddenly given an insight into Harry's life – an insight that didn't involve Voldemort or the Triwizard Tournament or Animagi.

"Let it go." Remus muttered, nudging Sirius. "I know that you want to hear all about it, but I think Harry's a bit embarrassed. Leave it for now. If Harry wants to talk about it, he'll tell you sometime when he's not surrounded by lots of people."

**HERMIONE: Yeah, but he won't say anything to her.**

**RON: Yeah, you never tell a girl you like her. It makes you look like an idiot!**

_Ginny approached the first girl and taps her on the back. When she turns around, Ginny bows._

**GINNY: Konnichiwa, Cho Chang! It is good to meet you! I am Ginny Weasley.**

**LAVENDER: Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang!**

**RON: That's Lavender Brown! Racist sister!**

**CHO CHANG: Hey! It's alright! I'm Cho Chang y'all.**

"Now I'm confused." Harry said, staring at the girl on the screen. "She looks nothing like Cho."

"And I'm guessing you would know that?" Fred added with a chuckle. "She is pretty, though."

"But she's not Asian." Ron said bluntly.

"I guess that's part of the joke." George said, grinning at the younger students. "A plot twist, if you will."

**HARRY: She is totally perfect.**

**RON: Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?**

Most of the order turned to look at Harry, who was staring down at the floor. He hadn't expected to hear that name again, especially so suddenly. He hadn't thought that Cedric would appear in the musical. He wondered what he would be like – he doubted the musical would do him justice.

Dumbledore cleared his throat suddenly, attracting everyone's attention. "First of all, let us remember that this is a parody." he said, bowing his head. "And instead of dwelling on how different he is from the Cedric Diggory we knew, we should just remember the real Cedric Diggory and enjoy whatever this musical shows us."

Harry nodded in agreement. He would much rather keep them separate in his mind, instead of connecting whatever they did to the boy he knew.

**HARRY: What!? Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that? Who is that guy?**

_From behind the trio, a tall man steps forward, pushing between Ron and Harry and knocking Harry, Ron, Ginny and Hermione to the floor. He is wearing a Hufflepuff tie and is grinning._

"Well, he is handsome." Hermione muttered, looking objectively at the man on the screen. "And his teeth are very white."

"You can tell that you're the daughter of a couple of dentists." Harry added stiffly, staring at the representation of Cedric. After a moment, he continued. "The Cedric I knew would never push people to the ground."

**CEDRIC: CHO CHANG!**

**I AM SO IN LOVE WITH CHO CHANG!**

**FROM BANGKOK TO DING DANG!**

**I SING MY LOVE ALOUD FOR CHO CHANG!**

_Cedric and Cho exit, followed by Lavender Brown and the other girl._

**HARRY: I hate that guy! I hate him.**

Harry grimaced at this. Yes, he had been slightly angry with Cedric for a couple of months, but he had never hated him. Besides, it was hardly Cedric's fault that Cho had chosen to go to the Yule Ball with him over Harry. Harry had asked very late, and he knew they had been happy together, no matter how the thought had annoyed him at the time. But he had never hated him.

**RON: So are we gonna get those robes or not?**

**GINNY: Okay, alright, let's go!**

**RON: God, sister!**

_Ron, Harry and Hermione leave, followed by Ginny. As they pass through the door to offstage, another man in a Gryffindor scarf and glasses walks on. He meets a very tall man in a robe, wand in his right hand and a shorter man, played by a woman, wearing a green cap._

"Who do you think this is then?" asked Fred, staring at the three characters on stage. "I can't think of any other Gryffindors with glasses." He almost said 'Now that Percy's left' but didn't want to bring any one else down,

"No idea." answered Ron. "I'm just trying to think who the Slytherin's might be. I mean, that tall one is actually pretty scary."

**GOYLE: Present your arm, nerd! Indian Burn Hex!**

**NEVILLE: Aah!**

_Neville falls to his knees, yelling. Hermione, Harry and the Weasley's re-enter._

**RON: It's Crabbe and Goyle.**

**HARRY: Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?**

**GOYLE: Well, well, well. If it isn't Harry Potter! You think all because you're famous, you can boss everyone around.**

**HARRY: No, I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville! C'mon!**

**GOYLE: Well, ya know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! We hate nerds!**

**CRABBE: And girls!**

"So why is Crabbe played by a girl?" asked Ginny, a question a few people were eager to hear the answer to this question. However, it seemed no one had an answer.

_Goyle takes Harry's glasses and breaks them, returning the broken pair to Harry._

**HARRY: Oh my god...**

**RON: You asked for it! You don't mess with Harry Potter! He beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby!**

**HERMIONE: Alright, everyone just calm down. Oculus Reparo!**

**HARRY: Whoa, cool!**

**HERMIONE: Now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone!**

_From the left enters a small woman, wearing a bright, blonde wig, and Slytherin tie and a robe._

**DRACO: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?**

As soon as Draco came on stage, all the students burst into laughter.

"I no longer care what they do to any of our characters!" Hermione muttered to Ron and Harry, a grin across her face. "This is one of the best things I've ever seen!"

"I know!" Ron muttered back. "I mean, I thought nothing could beat the bouncing ferret, but I love being proven wrong."

**RON: What do you want, Draco?**

**DRACO: Crabbe, Goyle, be a pair of turtle doves and go pay for my robes, will you?**

_Draco hands Crabbe and Goyle some money and they leave the stage. Draco then walks behind the four Gryffindors and then returns to centre stage, striking a pose once he stops walking._

**DRACO: So, Potter! Back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher calibre of wizard.**

"You have to admit though, other than the fact that he's played by a girl, he seems to be pretty accurate character-wise." Hermione added, frowning slightly at his comment.

"Yeah, he even said something similar when we first met." Harry admitted with a nod.

_Harry puts his arms around Ron and Hermione. Ginny attempts to join them, but Ron pushes her away. Noticing her, Draco points at her._

**HARRY: Hey, listen, Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. I wouldn't trade them for anything!**

**DRACO: Have it your way. Wait! Don't tell me! Red hair, hand me down clothes and a stupid complexion. You must be a Weasley!**

**RON: Oh my god, lay off, Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, okay, but she's my pain in the ass.**

"I'm not sure if that's nice." Tonks commented with a grin. So far, she was enjoying the musical but, similar to the others, she didn't know how it could be useful. "At least he's kind of sticking up for you."

**DRACO: Well, isn't this cute? It's like a little loser family! Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts!**

"What's Pigfarts?" asked George, sniggering slightly. "Sounds like a hilarious place!"

"If only Malfoy didn't want to go." Fred said with a sigh.

"I'm pretty sure it's not a real place." Bill told his brothers.

"We don't know what it is." Fred continued. "It could be real. We don't know the name of every place in the world."

"It's a school." Hermione told Fred. "That's why Malfoy is going to transfer there."

**NEXT YEAR YOU'LL BET, GONNA GET OUT OF HERE!**

**THE REIGN OF MALFOY IS DRAWING NEAR!**

**I'LL HAVE THE GREATEST WIZARD CAREER,**

**AND IT'S GONNA BE TOTALLY AWESOME!**

**LOOK OUT WORLD FOR THE DAWN OF THE DAY**

**WHEN EVERYONE WILL DO WHATEVER I SAY!**

**AND POTTER WON'T BE IN THE WAY!**

**AND I'LL BE THE ONE WHO IS TOTALLY AWESOME!**

**GOYLE: YEAH, YOU'LL BE THE ONE WHO IS TOTALLY AWESOME!**

**HERMIONE: Guys, come on, we're gonna miss the train!**

**EVERYONE: WHO KNOWS HOW FAST THIS YEAR'S GONNA GO?**

**HAND ME A GLASS, LET THE BUTTERBEER FLOW!**

**RON: MAYBE THIS YEAR-**

**HARRY: I'LL TALK TO CHO!**

**RON: OH NO, THAT'D BE WAY TOO AWESOME!**

"Thanks for the vote of confidence." Harry groaned. Ron smiled innocently.

"I bet she'd love to go out with you." Sirius said, reaching over to pat Harry's shoulder. "After all, you're Harry Potter."

Snape rolled his eyes and Harry sighed. "It's more complicated than that, Sirius."

**EVERYONE: WE'RE BACK TO LEARN EVERYTHING THAT WE CAN,**

**IT'S GREAT TO COME BACK TO WHERE WE BEGAN!**

**AND HERE WE ARE! AND ALAKAZAM!**

**HERE WE GO, THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME!**

**COME ON AND TEACH US EVERYTHING YOU KNOW!**

**THE SUMMER'S OVER AND WE'RE ITCHING TO GO!**

**NEVILLE: I THINK WE'RE READY FOR**

**ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!**

**EVERYONE: AAAAH!**

_A man strides on from behind the students. He is wearing a purple robe and hat, and has on a small, fake beard. He is also wearing sandals and throwing small flowers to the audience._

"Is that supposed to be Dumbledore?" Molly said, her voice high-pitched. "Wearing those sandals and throwing flowers?"

Dumbledore was chuckling. "I've never really worn sandals, as my feet get cold. That's why I can never have enough socks." He grinned at Harry, not meeting his eyes. Harry frowned slightly. "But I don't see anything wrong with this representation."

"At least not yet." Fred finished.

**DUMBLEDORE: WELCOOOOOOOME**

**ALL OF YOU TO HOGWARTS, **

**I WELCOME ALL OF YOU TO SCHOOL!**

**DID YOU KNOW THAT HERE AT HOGWARTS,**

**WE'VE GOT A HIDDEN SWIMMING POOL?**

**WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME HOGWARTS!**

**WELCOME HOTTIES, NERDS AND TOOLS!**

**NOW THAT I'VE GOT YOU HERE AT HOGWARTS**

**I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore. I suppose you could also call me Albus, if you want a detention! I'm just kidding. I'll expel you if you call me Albus!**

"There's no way Dumbledore would expel someone for just calling him by his first name." Remus said, still grinning after the song.

"However, students should treat him with more respect." McGonagall said, sending a strict look at the twins.

**EVERYONE: BACK TO WITCHES AND WIZARDS AND MAGICAL BEASTS,**

**TO GOBLINS AND GHOSTS AND TO MAGICAL FEASTS!**

**IT'S ALL THAT I LOVE AND IT'S ALL THAT I NEED**

**AT HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS!**

**BACK TO SPELLS AND ENCHANTMENTS,**

**POTIONS AND FRIENDS!**

**TO GRYFFINDOR, HUFFLEPUFF,**

**RAVENCLAW, SLYTHERIN!**

**BACK TO THE PLACE WHERE OUR STORY BEGINS,**

**AT HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS!**

**DUMBLEDORE: I'm sorry, what'd you say?**

**EVERYONE: HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS!**

**DUMBLEDORE: I didn't hear you kids!**

**EVERYONE: HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS!**

**HARRY: Man, I'm glad I'm back!**

"It is always great to go back." Harry said with a smile, and everyone else nodded in agreement. Even Snape.

"But this still seems slightly useless." Sirius said, exchanging a look with Hestia, Remus and Kingsley. "All we've learnt is that Harry has a crush on Cho Chang."

He raised his eyebrows at Harry, who blushed slightly.

"We've also learnt that Goyle can talk." Ron pointed out. "Which I didn't think was possible."

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.**

**-ArtjuiceRP**


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